Three weeks ago my heart was broken with the loss of my sister Linda Vasseur. My pain was so overwhelming I wasn’t sure how to keep her light in my heart. Every day was an effort… returning to work to those people who mean so well when they ask how you are…. the anxious look in their eye that you might actually tell them the truth. Or worse, those people who don’t know…. and you get to relive the experience anew through the shock and pained look on their face.
And that question… “Do you mind if I ask what happened?” ……. ugh, like a punch to the gut. I go breathless.
Every time I thought I had it together, that I could get through the story without breaking down, tear streaming down my face my throat catches and my eyes leak.
God Love the members of the CASA board as I attempted to explain why I hadn’t accomplished my deliverable for the month.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t get it together to write the talking points that I promised…”
And I had to say those words out loud….
My sister died.
When I finally looked up, mopping the tears from my cheek my heart was filled with the love and support I saw reflecting towards me from their eyes. Good people make bad things feel less lonely.
In the midst of this, I was in the middle of the interview process for a new position. It was a multi step process and I was in the final stages. The job is a perfect match to my skills and passions. Job interviews are often anxiety filled and it is hard not to get tied up in minor details or the never ending tape of the ways I could have answered a question better. I didn’t have time to think about it. I did the best I could and went back to the painful work of packing my sister’s life up.
That job would be great. But, really? And all the trolls began to march in my head about why I would NEVER get that job. It seemed so beyond my reach. It was too much a perfect match of the things I believe in Community Economic Development, Government Advocacy, and Relationships. Who really gets paid to do what they believe?
I swear when I hung up the phone after accepting that position….That perfect position that values my skills and my experience. That perfect job that pays well. That perfect job that fits my heart’s work of community.
I heard my sister giggle.
I love you Linda. Help me to channel your strength and your joy every day.
You always believed in the power of possibilities.
Together we can build a beautiful city…. In love and Light.